Who Needs a Family When You Have Co-Workers?

Relationships, drama, gossip, love, anger, frustration, humor, sounds like the recipe of a well balanced family right? Well I was actually describing your office. After all, aren't your co-workers the people you spend the majority of your daily hours with? They’re practically family, except with less awkward holiday dinners and more awkward team-building exercises. Your co-worker’s are obviously superior to the notion of a family! You get the same emotional damage but without paying for these people’s benefits! Let’s dive into the top reasons why co-workers are clearly better to have than a family and how your 9-to-5 is really all the social interaction you’ll ever need.

1. They’re Contractually Obligated to Be Around You

You did it! You just finished your 10,188 piece Lego Death Star! You can’t contain your excitement, you’ve got to show someone the pictures! Your mom isn’t responding to your texts… ugh, why doesn’t she appreciate this? After all, you're 45 years old, it’s quite the accomplishment.

But wait.

There’s some people that can’t escape your joyous nerdy accomplishment…

your co-workers!

Unlike family members who can conveniently dodge your calls, your co-workers are stuck with you for at least 40 hours a week. There’s no escaping Greg’s nerdgasm. Force those nerdy lonely pictures of you and your Lego set in front of your coworkers Greg. They have to be polite, otherwise if they’re mean to you, it’s a trip to HR.

Now there may be some illusive coworkers. For example, the work from home teams. But remember, I said illusive, not unavoidable. You all have to communicate electronically one way or another, and if they ignore your emails or chats, just set your photo as your background for your next Zoom meeting.

They will have to appreciate your brilliance then!  Your coworkers can't just decide to skip out on your "fun" work stories. They are mandated to stay around you or quit. It’s up to them what is more worth it. And when you think about it, isn’t that better than a mother’s love?

2. Office Parties: The New Family Gatherings

Your parents are pressuring you to come to the next family reunion. Ugh, why!? You just wanted to stay home and binge Ugly Betty! Now you’ve got to deal with unwanted hugs, nephews kicking your shins and the extended family members judging you on your life choices.Sounds like loads of fun doesn’t it?

Forget the emotional rollercoaster of a family reunion. Your office parties are the real social events of the year! You get free snacks, lukewarm pizza, and the chance to witness your manager’s questionable dance moves after a few drinks. Plus, no one’s going to corner you to ask why you’re still single or when you’re having kids.

Family photos? Forget em! Who needs the annual awkward family photo when you can have office selfies with your favorite coworkers or screenshot from the world's most exciting Zoom meetings? Say goodbye to those passive-aggressive holiday dinners and embrace the awkward yet charming atmosphere of your company’s karaoke night. What’s even better is if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to!

3. Water Cooler Talk: The Ultimate Family Gossip Replacement

Some family members just can’t help themselves. They have to talk about who got divorced, who’s fighting over grandma’s inheritance, or what your cousin is doing with their life (which isn’t much by the way). But office gossip? There’s a level of trust here that even HR can’t penetrate. You’ll hear all about who’s on the verge of quitting, what’s going on in the manager’s mysterious closed-door meetings, and which team is secretly falling apart under tight deadlines.

Who cares what Aunt Susie’s up to when you can dig into the juicy details of Janet and Jeff conveniently having three “sick days” at the same time. Or speculate on why your boss has been acting weird lately? It’s like living in a soap opera where everyone’s in business casual attire.

4. You Get to Escape Them Every Day

While you and your coworkers can’t escape each other during the shift, you are guaranteed to get away from them eventually. Unlike family, who might just show up at your house unannounced or live under the same roof; coworkers come with an off button. Once you clock out… see ya! After 5 p.m. this is your time. Could you imagine if family came with that feature? “Sorry, Mom, I’m clocking out for the day. See you tomorrow during normal operating hours.” Don’t think that would fly, if anything it would ignite some drama that you’ll have to endure during the time off you so rightfully earned. 

For those of you with remote work, you have an even better feature than so few get to take advantage of. You quite literally have a mute button! If they can only communicate to you through zoom, all you have to do is mute them whenever you want. No more guilt about tuning out during a long-winded story—just hit that mute button during your morning meeting and relax.

5. Performance Reviews: A Built-in Feedback System

Family members love to dish out advice and tell you how to do things better in your life even when nobody asks them for their opinion. You may never be able to avoid that, but wouldn’t it be better if those unsolicited advice sessions were given in a formalized, scheduled way, just like your annual performance review? With co-workers, you get that sweet, sweet structure.

Instead of Uncle Ray criticizing your life choices between bites of turkey at Thanksgiving, your manager gives you constructive feedback (with a side of corporate jargon) during a scheduled one-on-one. Heck, if you’re doing well enough you might even have a shot at the possibility of a raise! When’s the last time your family gave you a 3% bump in allowance? Let alone tell you where you’re thriving? Skip all of that. No one needs that constant drag down. Your family doesn’t pay the bills, so why take the criticism from them? At least with your job, you’re getting paid to take it.

6. No Obligation to Send Holiday Cards

Oh no… you blinked and now it’s suddenly the holidays. Even worse, you didn’t participate in family photos or send out holiday cards of your own. Now you’ve got to hear about it at every gathering for the next couple of months. Not with coworkers! With these individuals, you’re completely off the hook. No one expects a holiday card from the person who works two desks over from them, and if they do, sounds like they need to find more friends. Sure, maybe the office sends out a generic company-wide greeting, but that’s as far as it goes!

The best part? No pressure to write personalized notes or remember anyone’s birthday. You can even let HR handle the cake orders for birthdays in the office. All you’ve got to do is make sure you sign on that card that’s passed around the office then bam! Free office birthday cake and you’re held in high esteem with the rest of your coworkers that are riding on the same coattails that you are.

7. Workplace Drama Is Way More Entertaining

Family drama is messy, exhausting and worse you might have to do something or get dragged into it! Gross. Work drama, on the other hand? It’s entertainment! When it doesn’t directly involve you, office drama can spice up the monotony of a typical workday. You get all the intrigue of a soap opera without the emotional baggage. Waiting for the twists and turns it’s no wonder you love coming to work every day!

Ooohhh, looks like Carol just got called into HR. Is there a secret romance blossoming between departments? Or is Jeffrey still upset about that passive-aggressive email that she sent out? Who cares! It’s HR’s problem now. You just get to sit back and watch the tensions unfold as these people go through the motions of providing you a live tv drama! These are the kinds of low-stakes yet highly entertaining plots that unfold right before your eyes—no family reunion required.

Conclusion: Work-Life Integration? More Like Work-Family Integration!

In today’s world, who really needs a family when you’ve got co-workers to fill these roles? From the embarrassing uncle (who’s just Robert from IT) to the overbearing mom (your micromanaging boss), your workplace has got you covered. They’re there for your highs, your lows, and your endless chain of meetings. Plus, they come with the added bonus of not needing to discuss awkward personal topics over dinner. So, next time your family invites you to a get-together, just kindly decline and say, “no thanks, I’ve got to go to work”.

P.S. Mom, please don’t take the mother's love comment seriously. Love Wes.